Tabletop Haiku


So, I’ve always enjoyed poety. In my angst-ridden, teenage past, it was pretty much all I did before I was introduced to role playing. There was even a writing contest when I was in college; I tried to write a lengthy poem about a clumsy adventuring group told from the point of view of their harried Bard healer. I didn’t finish it, unfortunately, but there have been a few (horrible and possibly a little tipsy) instances where I’ve scribbled out a rhyme at the gaming table. And why not? Role playing is incredibly inspiring!

So, just for fun, here are a few absolutely gods-awful haiku, inspired by many different role playing games. For those who don’t remember 7th grade English, haiku are composed of 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third.

EXP Bonus
Natural twenty
My battleaxe roars through flesh
I’ll loot you later

Well, You Said Anything…
Character write ups
So many dice to choose from
Yup, another Bard

Ode to My DM
Flipping through pages
Now where was that new rail gun?
My players hate me

Another Fine Day in the Multiverse
Dog-Boys on my left
Spiderwalkers on my right
Lets roast some casters

Bring This Poster and Waive the Application Fee
Want a bright future?
Do change and monsters scare you?
CS sign ups now!

Another One Bites the Dust
What, are you kidding?
My dice roll hit my notebook
I worked hard on that

How Do You Spell “Diabolical”?
Assassin again?
That’s five different characters
Try a Paladin

Your Name is Not Seymore Butts
It’s really not hard
Just pick a damn backstory
That’s it, you’re a slave

Poor, Deluded PCs
Who needs a healer?
We’ve all got the first aid skill
What do you mean, “crit”?

Power Attacks Cost 2 Melee Actions
I load my pistol
“Cool, but you’re out of ammo”
I throw my pistol

My Plea to Kevin
Spending all damn night
Doing math and rolling dice
No generators

Happy Haiku-ing,
TheDungeonRat

I do not own any referenced or inspiring materials. The haiku in this post are my own, however.

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